Pseudocode: The Meaning of Life

Every now and then I catch myself staring at the ceiling, wondering why existence insists on happening at me, and in a moment of questionable optimism I decided the only sensible response was to try coding the meaning of life, as if a compiler might finally explain what the cosmos refuses to footnote.

This is a first cut.

CONSTANT ZERO = 0
CONSTANT ONE_THOUSAND_MINUS_ONE = 999
CONSTANT MAX_ATTEMPTS = ONE_THOUSAND_MINUS_ONE - 995 // equals 4
GLOBAL ATTEMPT_COUNT = 0
GLOBAL SEED
VARIABLE TRYING
VARIABLE FAILED
VARIABLE SUCCEEDED
VARIABLE ALIVE

MAIN:
    create a new Life instance L
    print "THE MEANING OF LIFE"
    L.randomize()
    L.beBorn()
    L.live()
    L.die()
    print "--"

FUNCTION beBorn:
    randomize()
    ALIVE = true

FUNCTION live:
    randomize()
    WHILE event(899):
        doStuff()

FUNCTION doStuff:
    randomize()
    WHILE event(899) AND ATTEMPT_COUNT < MAX_ATTEMPTS:
        attempt()

FUNCTION attempt:
    TRYING = true
    ATTEMPT_COUNT += 1
    print "we try"
    IF ATTEMPT_COUNT < MAX_ATTEMPTS:
        IF successful():
            SUCCEEDED = true
            print "we succeed"
        ELSE:
            SUCCEEDED = false
            print "we fail"
    TRYING = false

FUNCTION die:
    IF ATTEMPT_COUNT == ZERO:
        print "we didn't get a turn"
    ELSE:
        print "we die"
    ALIVE = false

FUNCTION event(threshold):
    randomize()
    RETURN (SEED < threshold)

FUNCTION successful:
    RETURN event(199)

FUNCTION randomize:
    SEED = random integer from 0 to 999

FUNCTION print(text):
    output text